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| Well, Friday everything took a turn for the worst. I went to her house to wait on her brother to come get me to take me to house to help him do some remodel work on his new house. She still hadn't made her mind up with anything so I told her I thought it would be better if we called it all off. She didn't like that or didn't expect it, I'm not sure which. We stayed together for the time being, but then my friend Chris came by and it just got to him how much we couldn't make any headway and he kinda blew up. After he left, we started talking a little bit, mostly me, but I said I needed to know if what I had said earlier affected her in any way. She said all of it did and I asked what she wanted to do and if it changed anything. She said it didn't affect anything. I said I couldn't be kept in the dark about what was going on and she needed to tell me where we were headed. She said she wanted us to stay together and go back to the way we were, but she thought it would be better if she was single for awhile. That pretty much ended things right then and there. I admit I had some trust issues but it wasn't due to her. My wife cheated on me countless times so I had trust issues due to that. My girlfriend cheated on me I thought once three days before Christmas, but I found out it was actually twice. The second time was on Christmas itself. I can't bitch about that one though, because she had broke up with me that day saying she had feelings for someone else that were coming back. We worked things out the next day and I told her i forgave her for it because it was a mistake. I told her if she did it again, I would leave and never come back. She cried and said it would never happen again. To this day as far as I know, it hasn't. She told me that she has a problem saying no when guys ask her for sex and that was something that has stuck in my head ever since. So you see, I do have somewhat of a reason to have a trust issue. She doesn't understand that though. We went to church one time and her two ex boyfriends were there. On the van ride home, she was hanging all over and kissing her first boyfriend. She did it right in front of me and I swear to God that I felt my heart literally rip in half. I didn't say anything to her about it, but I think I should have. It might have fixed things early on and we wouldn't have had to do this today. I might sound like an asshole, but I'm glad it's finally over. Not because I don't want to be with her anymore, because I do more than life itself, but because I was all stressed out not knowing wether we were be together or split up. Now that it's a definite, I can get back to feeling somewhat normal. I told her that too. I hate not knowing when it comes to my heart. Definites are done, but variables drive me crazy. I love her and always will no matter what. I hope she will come around and we can get back together in the near future. I am unsure how long I should actually wait on her. I have been listening to Default and Shinedown and they are really hitting home for some reason. I know she doesn't want to be apart, but I realize she needs some tine to collect herself and I'm gonna give her the space she needs to do that without bugging her. Her two ex's bug her all the time about getting back together and I know she hates that stuff. I'm gonna let her come back to me because she still loves me and when she realizes I'm not around anymore, maybe she will want to get back together. She told me if we did split, there was a good chance of that anyways. The wait is gonna kill me, but I can get along good enough until it comes. I'm a big boy and I can handle stuff like that. If you read this, please give me some advice and let me know if I am doing the right thing or not. Well till next time, late. | | |
| Last night after I got home, I called my girlfriend, and she told me that she was gonna lock herself in her room and think for a few days. I asked about what and she told me that she didn't know. I don't know what that means so now I'm just a bundle of nerves. I hope she doesn't end us now that we're just getting over some of our problems. My heart is hers and always will be but I don't know for certain that she feels the same way anymore. It's hard to get by everyday not knowing wether or not if we're gonna be together from one day to the next. I so hate that feeling. I guess I'm gonna tell her that I can't wait forever and a week is a reasonable amount of time to get some toughts worked out. After that I'm just gonna move on, even though it will kill me on the inside, but I can't hold on trying to guess what's going on. I have feelings too, and they are as fragile as anyone else's. I'll keep you posted. Until then, late. | | |
| Well after the weekend at my girlfriend's moms house things are kinda back to normal. We worked out some issues we had and I am not as nervous about anything right now. I still had to go back to my place to stay but we are still together and haven't split up. I hope things stay on course and only get better. The apartment complex she lives at really stresses her out sometimes and I think she and her dad need to seriously move out of there and get away from all the drama. My boy Chris had a talk with her yesterday and I hope some of the things he said stick in her head. He feels that all our problems come from a couple of people that live in the complex. He told her if she really wants to keep me and not worry about anything, she needed to quit going around those people and letting them drag her name into everything. I totally agree with him and I hope she does too. One of them is a guy she used to date and he really wants her back. She doesn't want to go back to him because she doesn't really like him that way anymore. He has been keeping tabs on me the past week or so and I just found that out last night. I told her if he keeps it up, I'm gonna do something about it and he isn't gonig to like how I handle it. She has doubts about him and her first boyfriend and said if we split up, she doesn't want to make a mistake and choose the wrong one to go back to. Her first cheated on her with her best friend at the time and she doesn't want to be hurt again and the more recent one, she doesn't like that way anymore because he's just a big kid. I mean he's 19 and acts like a little 7 or 8 year old sometimes. He really needs to grow up. He said he wants to stay single and find a girl and knock her up and then take the baby and raise it himself. For one that's the wrong way to go about having a baby, and for another, he can't even take care of himself let alone a child. I hope she tells the other two that she is happy where she's at and that they respect that decision, otherwise I'm gonna have to say something. Well till next time, late. | | |
| Well today so far is going kinda good for us. I tried to talk to her last night when we laid down to go to bed but she didn't want to tak about it. I told her that I needed to know which way she was going with her decision because my insides are all topsy turvy and I don't like the feeling. I think it made her a little mad, but I don't know wether to be happy or to get ready to be alone again. I like to have balance in my life and not knowing how this is gonna work out is throwing it all off. She told me that she thought of running away and not telling anybody where she was until after she turns 18. She is 17 right now and her birthday is in December. The problem with her running away is that she wants to go stay at her first boyfriends house. She said that her feelings for him would come back really strongly and I don't know what to think, do, or feel about all of it. I can't just sit back and watch her do this, but I don't know of any way to change her mind. She has got it really bad right now where she lives, with her dad, and he doesn't want to move from where they are because he is immune to all the stuff that goes on around there. If we do split up, I'm trying to prepare myself for a big heartbreak because I know I will hurt for a long time and I don't want to go through that again. When my wife left me in 2003, I went through so much pain and hurt for two to three weeks straight and I wished I had died than go through it. I managed to get over her somehow but I hated the feelings of being alone and not knowing what I did to deserve it. She came back two months later and I didn't feel anything for her. My feelings were dead and she was just there. When we split for the last time, I didn't hurt any. That might sound cold, but I think after so much you just don't care anymore so it's easier to move on. The relationship I'm in now was my idea of perfect until a few days ago when we started to have our problems. I wish it would go back to that time. | | |
| Xanga
This is my first post on this site. I just got my account today. I am a 31 year old male who likes to chill out and talk to my friends. I am dating the girl of my dreams and we are going through a somewhat rough time right now. She isn't sure wether she wants to be single right now or not. I hope she chooses to stay with me because I really love her and I had a rough time with my marriage so I am kinda scared about what might happen. My wife, I'm still legally married but we're not toghether anymore, did some stuff to me that made me kind of leary about the whole trust thing. I trust my girlfriend, but sometimes I think my past is affecting our relationship. She thinks she hurts me and that's one of the reasons that she is thinking about the single thing. I told her that she doesn't hurt me as much as she thinks, but i don't know if she truly believes me about it or not. I really hopes she does, because I love her with all my heart and soul. I don't want to be alone again but I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. If anybody reads this, please wish me luck.
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